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If a part of you thinks that would make things easier because if your husband divorced you, you could be with your coworker, think again. That guilt can quickly erode the positive emotions. Also, having a few years of relationship that was clandestine carries its own sort of intrigue that immediately ceases when the other person gets divorced.
I urge you to make a life choice consistent with who you really are — consistent with what you believe and value. Take a look at this new program Joe developed to help someone in your situation.
We understand and believe this can give you some peace and hope going forward. I have cheated on my wife with one night stands and now she is in love with someone else she recently met. She tells me that he understand her, listens to her and is just a good person. She filed fit divorce two months ago but we decided to work on it but she finally decided she was done. What can I do? My heart breaks for you. The situation you describe is much more than I can address here in a few short paragraphs.
As you know, your situation is bad. However, it is not necessarily hopeless. Is there anyone that your wife respects who is willing to intervene and ask her to consider saving her marriage. If so, please ask them to do so. Then find a very, very good counselor that your wife will trust and the two of you can work with.
If your wife is willing to make only a brief effort and will not commit to seeing a therapist, consider our Marriage Helper workshop. You can find it here http: Nothing about that makes you attractive. Be the man she fell in love with. He was divorced with 2 kids.
We had twins together. Right before we married he had an affair. I believe it happened before. Then I became a slave in the house and overworked with 2 jobs to keep up with his child support and alimony.
He was very selfish. I met someone 2 years ago. I am a caretaker. But I fell for the man inside of the mess. My husband is the opposite but has clingy issues and we never agree on things. I know if i leave him I will end up with a mess. We understand that there is something that has kept you with this man when it seems he is not necessarily your type. If you want to better understand your situation and the appropriate steps you can take to end this relationship and fall in love with your husband again I will give you two options we have for couples like the two of you:.
You can find more information here — http: If you are not able to join us for one of the workshops, we also have a new five part video series called Decision Point for spouses who have been unfaithful. You can find out more about this here — http: It also can be a bad thing, as you already know. When it became clear that he is selfish and that you had to take care of all the housework and hold two jobs just so he could pay alimony, you allowed that to occur.
When you met the new man, you see the troubles of his past and say that you cannot break it off because of your caretaker nature. Yet, you say that the reason you cannot break it off with him is because you feel a need to take care of him.
It seems that you suspect that your major attraction to the new man is not just to find freedom from what you have, but perhaps another chance to rescue another troubled man. BUT, you already sense that his past struggles may not mean freedom at all. It may be that you move from the proverbial frying pan into the fire. It almost seems as if you need to prove your worthiness or your right to be loved by having someone who needs you to take care of them.
If you continue in that vein, your life is likely going to be one miserable relationship after another. If you want to learn to love well, and to be loved in a way that brings true happiness, learn first to love yourself.
When you learn to love you, you very likely will stand up to your current selfish husband and be strong enough to stop working two jobs and no longer be a slave to support his selfishness. You already know his weaknesses and strengths. You see mostly the good in the new man, yet your statements indicate that there is a nagging in the back of your brain that being with him would present another set of problems that may be worse than what you have now.
Rather than hoping the new relationship will help you find happiness, I strongly urge you to move away from that man — yes, I know it will be difficult and that you are so much needing affirmation that you would feel great pain if you stop seeing him — and find the help to get you where you need to be with yourself. Though I am not a prophet, I fear that if you continue with the new lover, your self-esteem and need to feel loved for who you are rather than what you do will become even a greater problem and happiness will elude you for years to come.
When you find the way to love yourself — truly love you in a good way — you can then do what it takes to make your current marriage be what it should be. I married young, and we are almost to year five. Recently, another woman has captured my heart. Right now, the latter relationship is platonic; flirtatious at most. But it may be headed toward more.
On the other hand, I want children and my wife, at bottom, does not. This other woman does, and just today we looked longingly together at another happy family. If you do not find a way to resolve that, the underlying resentment can and usually does build to a level that can destroy a relationship and leave each person bitter.
You want to leave her because you have allowed yourself to fall in love with another woman. Your friendship deepened as you gradually began to share more about your lives, your dreams, your fears, and even those things about yourselves that hardly anyone else knows about. At some point you began to feel that she understood you like no one ever has…that you can talk to her about anything…that the connection you two have is beyond what most people ever have and that it may be that no one else has ever felt the way you do about each other.
Now things that are valid — such as your differences about children — have become so much larger and stronger motivations to you than they were even before. They loom so big that you cannot imagine staying with your wife. What you wanted before from her is now available from your lover. The beliefs and values that kept you with your spouse are fading and your desire to be with your lover is growing stronger at a rapid and amazing rate.
If you leave your wife and go with your lover, the intensity that you feel now — the emotions that both you and she expect to last happily ever after — will eventually fade. You can still care about each other, but the amazing sensations you feel now will inevitably erode into something different. When finally that happens, you will see that she is flawed as well. You will look back on the beliefs and values that you once held dear that you violated to have her.
And, if you are like the vast majority, you will come to regret your abandoning what you once held dear. You definitely have a problem with your wife that needs to be resolved. These are two separate problems. To be able to face the future with high regard for yourself, solve your problems with your wife. After you deal with that, then make a decision about your lover. As long as you are putting your lover first, you cannot make a decision about your lover that you will be happy about ten years from now.
Absolutely brilliant analysis of the situation. You keep saying the feelings in the primary relationship are more important than those in the second relationship. I agree with you on this, I understand that marriage is an important commitment. I understand that some people believe marriage to be final and sacred.
I understand that we seek the things we feel we are missing, that we want to feel complete. But feelings are feelings, and I dont believe a marriage trumps the heart. It wants what it wants. They keep saying that we are only focusing on the flaws of our spouse and the things we love about the new person.
I understand that everyone has flaws, everyone! But when you know in your heart and soul that this new person you met has touched you so deeply, you love the flaws as well, in my case of course. I already decided, maybe evn before it got so serious. Be an adult and make a decision. Live with the consequences of your actions. You just described what I am going through exactly.
This has helped me tremendously. The situation sucks, because the love is very real. Hey Joe, I love that it seems you seen your affair as a big nono….
Sam, while it is true that many relationships do begin with limerence, the real issue here is whether or not you have a right to the person that you are in limerence with. If two people are single, fall in love, and go through limerence, that is normal.
Even when two people have a right to each other, limerence fades. Biologically and chemically, it has to. If someone follows their feelings and betrays their integrity, they change who they are as a person. They will turn into a person that they no longer like. My marriage of 29 years has never been the marriage that I dreamed of.
I find myself to be more of a father-figure to my wife than that of a husband. I have never liked this role. My wife and I have had many discussions about this before. For all these years, I have just accepted the way things are. I met a lady online 8 months ago. She seemed really nice and intelligent. We have been really good friends and can talk about anything.
We have shared so much between us and it has turned out to be a beautiful friendship. For that, I am very grateful! She seems to be a perfect match for me, and she is everything that my wife is not. We are supposed to meet in person for a few drinks soon.
I am very afraid of what can happen when we actually meet. I can see how this situation could go really bad, really fast. I have to admit that I am torn right now, not knowing what to do.
Should I pursue my happiness with this other person or should I stay in this less than adequate marriage and acknowledge the fact that it is all just a dream. The temptation is there. I never thought it was possible, certainly not possible for me. But here I am. I have been married for ten years. My husband and I have had many issues in our marriage. For the last three years I have connected with a man I met when I was 15 years old. I talk to him everyday on fb. I have fallen madly in love with him.
He lives in Boston and me Toronto. I often fall asleep thinking of him. I feel so stuck and just want to cry. Im married for 16 years. I dont feel a connection to my husband anymore. I got in contact with an old guy friend and I think we have fallen in love. My husband cheated on me 6 months before our marriage although that was years ago. The feelings and connection with my friend is amazing I feel we were meant to be together.
My husbands knows of the affair and I have no contact with my friend but its killing me, I miss. Cant leave my mamarriage because we have financial commitment and a 10 year old daughter..
You may see money, or financial commitments being a part in this, in reality it is an excuse to stay with your husband. Your child together may also be a factor but neither are the issue. First off what led you to reconnect? Was a simple Hey old friend… or did you put yourself in that situation. Two different things with different purposes. From my perspective it seems as if you have some still untesolved issue with your husband. Either for the infidelity he committed or something else.
Either way though that is yet another excuse you have given yourself to ease the pain that you are committing emotional cheating. Before I would run with a man that was willing to help destroy a marriage, i would try to rekindle those feelings that helped rebuild it after your husband cheated. Or because in his moment of weakness he knew the regret, and wants to save the marriage.
You both should seek help, to cheat on one another, physically or emotionally shows a serious underlying issue. Its really embarrassing to actually say this, but here goes… I have been married to my husband going on 5 years. We were in our upper teens when we got married.
Within our first year of marriage he had talked to another woman online and I caught him up in it. I let it go and tried to work it out with him, after all it was just our first year. So a few months later I got pregnant with our baby girl. I thought everything was getting back to normal.
My trust for him was finally starting to build back up. I found a fake facebook he had created with a fake name, but he told women who he really was.
I hacked into the email he had used and seen that he had been talking sexually to multiple women that knew him and I was married. I also found out that the messages dated back to almost a year ago. I let all that go and once again tried to forgive and forget. But my feelings for him were slowly starting to fade it seemed.
We recently moved out of town due to a new job he got. Just in a couple weeks of living in our new town, I was introduced to a friend he had years ago. We hit it off and became good friends. We started talking and im not sure how it came up but we told each other we liked each other. We started eventually texting and he started coming over and just hanging out while my husband was working.
Things to physical fast. We talked about our feelings and he knows what had happened in the past with me and my husband. We did end up going all the way but we talked and said that we need to both slow it back down.
I am just so torn on what to do with my marriage. Every kiss and every touch puts thoughts from the past into my head. I wonder everyday if more went on other than what he has told me.
I feel out of love with him. Our daughter is 2 now and I feel like if I was to leave it would destroy everything. Our new house and his new job. And his friend ship with the other man. I honestly feel stuck like im obligated to stay. And I feel like of I was to leave I would end up with nothing. I dont feel pretty anymore with him. This other guy has made me feel so good and he has done everything and said everything that a woman wants to hear.
As of now him and I are just in a friendship but it makes me wonder what would happen if I was to leave my husband. Would I be making a mistake or is this other guy truly the one for me. Is there a way I can message you via e-mail? I am in the same boat and would like to converse with you if I may. I am 30 years old, have been married for 6 years this past July, my husband and I have a beautiful 5 year old.
I came across this site because I am searching for solutions to my problems currently. I met my husband in church, due to the marriage processes in our church, we never had a chance to properly get to know each other better.
So in a space of 7 months we got married. My marriage was averagely good, I fell pregnant on my honeymoon night, so immediately after the wedding I was pregnant. I had my daughter and after that my husband and I were heavily involved in our church ministry. Beginning of last year my husband resigned from work and went back to university to study full time, as a result we do not see each other except for weekends and school holidays.
When he went back to school, I started realising that I married a complete stranger, we had never spent real time together before we got married and with the baby and the ministry we were always busy, so when he went back to school I started realising just how different we were. I truly am not even show if I love or ever loved him, or my whole marriage was out of family and church pressure. I do not blame anyone because I was old and am responsible for my own choices.
Now I have recently met someone, who is the world to me, I do not ever recall being this happy in my life before. We share the same passions, we laugh together, his presence in my life has changed me. Besides having met someone now, I was already trying to find means of leaving my husband.
I feel I am very unfair to him because I really do not love him the way he loves me. I believe that there is someone special out there for him to love him and cherish but that person is not me. How can I walk away without hurting our daughter, our families, our church.
Hi, I am almost in the same position. I have been married for 12 years now. I got married when I was My husband and I are in to church ministry and our parents too. We have 3 beautiful children right now. Im not sure if I love my husband or have I ever love him. Right now im busy trying to find some sort of fulfilment in a lot of things. Every time I look at him I feel so sorry for him because I feel like im a hypocrite. I am lost I need help. I also came across this site because Im looking for help.
My situation is a bit more intense. The catch 22 here is, it is my husband friend as well. We have been seeing each other for 4 years and during that time he has gotten married and had a child.
Even with his union, we still have not stopped seeing each other. He tells me he is in love with me. Not sure if I believe him. As for me all I do is think about him. I think he is the first person I have ever been in love with. I have tried to end it so many times and find myself right back with him days later.
I cry so much over this. Cry over hurting so many people if we ever get caught. Cry over loving him, when all I want is to fall in love with my husband. Three years ago, I caught him texting an ex of his — they texted literally 24 hours a day, for 30 days before I caught him.
I stayed with him and I have never held it over his head. At the time, I had become detached from our marriage and was just going through the motions, so I completely understood how he got to the point of reaching out to someone else.
It never went beyond kissing, but I fell for him so fast. We still email and check on one another, provide advice, etc. I ended the marriage. I met my now spouse a few months after we separated i felt it was what i needed at the time now being married to her i feel i made a huge mistake and she does not make me feel the way my former spouse made me feel.
My former spouse is not remarried, although she has expressed that she wish things could have been different and would have worked through the prior marriage. Or just end the marriage and be honest with her although i would like a chance with my former spouse i would spend time alone thinking about my life and how quickly things spun out of control. Have been for two years and now have a child together. I lost my virginity to him and feel like I owe my life to him.
As we became friends, I fell more in love with him. My husband is a good man, but he has a dark past that is starting to shine through finally..
His persona is becoming more violent and inpatient, especially towards our daughter. And when the other guy is around, he spoils my daughter and plays with her!! With never feeling like I was in love but doing what I should do, put up with a lot of crap from my husband- cussing me, lying, n cheating, flirting. Married for 10 years, mostly unhappy. We have a 7 year old son, and until very recently they barely had a relationship. I met someone this summer and my feelings for him are growing stronger by the day.
I want to leave my husband — not for the new man, but for me. I have been here standing by his side through all of it.
With his friends and his family I am constantly being thanked and being praised for how strong I am to stand by his side for everything. Which brings us to a little while ago when in enters someone from my past. Sweetheart has seen me at my worst and even though we were only friends he always made sure I was ok. It was clear right from the day we met that we shared some pretty intense feelings for one another.
We never got our shot due to one or both of us being in other relationships. Eventually I made the decision that I needed to try and move on from sweetheart and shortly after that is when I met my significant other. And then last week he started paying more attention to me … which fits the normal pattern every time I start to really think about our relationship and if I should just do what I feel is right for me and end things my significant other does a and starts treating me the way I have always longed to be treated.
Especially since he has come back into my life. I love Sweetheart I always have we just have never had the chance to be together. And I know Sweetheart loves me as he has told me a few times since coming back into my life. Which brings us to tonight. Sweetheart proposed to me. I know that hurt Sweetheart and I hated hurting him like that. Any advice is appreciated. I stopped seeing the other woman without explanation.
Something was wrong with me and no one could figure out what! I went to bed and spent the next 18 yrs in bed fighting for my life. My wife has done absolutely nothing wrong! Thoughts of the other woman are eating at me. I went on Facebook and found her. She has 2 adult daughters. The man she was married to, is engaged to another woman. So I assume she is divorced. I messaged her on Facebook, no reply. Shortly thereafter her page was taken down.
I know her home address and phone number. I want to send her a real letter,on paper and in an envelope. I really want to know about her journey in life thus far, possibly reacquainting ourselves or developing a friendship. Is all of this crazy? What kind of trouble could I get myself into? These feelings to see her are tearing me apart! My husband starting talking to an acquaintance from high school in Feb It has quickly escalated into an emotional affair.
She is jealous of me yet when I try to make them see each other she lives 6 hours away and is married too Unhappily supposedly she told my husband he is her soul mate sends him inspirational messages everyday. My husband says he is in love with her but loves me and never intended to leave. She says it would tear her heart apart if he left his children. I dont know what to do.
She says she is a woman of Jesus on her Facebook. She wont let him go. My husband says he loves me but wont look me in the eye and yes we still have sex. He used to be such a good man. Please I need advice. First, an affair with an ex, even emotional, is a different animal. Find it, and maybe it can help. We each move through three major phases in life.
This is the first comment ive seen regarding rekindling with exes. I have a deep sorted history with my ex whom i was engaged to and lived with. We met when i was fifteen and just going through a horrible and traumatic split between my own parents and his divorcing as well a pastors son and infidelity splitting up his family.
We met inv very conservative boarding school. At any rate, we ended up losing our virginity to eachother, getting pregnant at 18, miscarriage, abandonment by my own parents, subsequient abusive relationship of my moms, me being raped by a co worker…we walked through all this together as best friends first and foremost.
We new every inch of eachother inside and out anf had the kind of chemistry that doesnt fade. Our chemistry wasnt just physical…it was so emotional.
I loved him with every single cell of my being-physical, emotional, spiritual. However, as we grew, he was a young twenty something who grew up in a staunchly conservative home and desperately wanted to party and drink and have fun all the time he had the life of the party personality-always ready for a good time, jokester.
I was a broken girl who also grew up religiously conservative and desperately wanted him to stay home with me because i didnt want to party and we really just matured at different rates. I had pictures of us all over the place.
We were literally addicted to one another. I met my husband who was in his junior year of dental school my ex had yet to complete his associates degree and had no clue what was doing with his life-just surviving.
I was the rebellious wander lust free spirit of my family as compared to my rule following sister in dental hygeine school. My family never liked my ex as he was four years older than me when we first got together…and remember i was only 15…they saw him for what he was…an irresponsible kid.
They loved my now husband more than me i think. He admitted to me when dating that he had struggled with porn addiction. But that he was finally free of it. I periodically would ask him if he was feeling tempted or had fallen to it and he would always say no.
When i was just early pregnant with our second child they are three years apart i caught him looking at it. It was a mess for a minute but he was apologetic and we went to therapy. I slowly was regaining trust in him. About a year later my four year old son opened the bathroom door and i was right behind him catching my husband in what he claims was live porn chat. I was devastated and so angry. I threatened to leave.
He was again so remorseful, this time did counseling by himself. Supposedly finally conquered it. About two years later he confessed to me only because his name was going to be printed in the local paper along with all other customers names that he had visited an asian sauna that got busted for prostitution. He claims to this day that he went for an actual back massage and thats all he got, even tho the police report said there was no actual massage therapy equipment in the place and that no person was going There for legitimate massage treatments.
I have stayed because of two reasons and two only. They love their daddy very much and our family unit. Also i struggle with feeling that it is a sin as a christian to divorce. Over the years my ex and i have communicated briefly…never seeing one another. Its always stayed platonic but i always knew it was dangerous territory as we both had unspoken, unresolved feelings. I then cut off all communication out of respect for my husband.
For a coulple of years. But ove the years i go through times of missing our connection so deeply it pains me-its something my husband and i have simply never had. Husband and i are farther apart than ever…essentially just co parents…and i had a dream about my ex the other night. I have had MANY over the years but i was so struck by this one, likely because of my own marital and personal issues i have lost myself entirely in my marriage and parenthood that i didnt want to wake up.
I contacted him and told him about it. Every detail of our past. How hes always loved me, waited for me, our connections, on and on…emotional issues, why we broke up issues, my marital issues, and umtimately sexual talk that ended in very graphic pictures and talk sexting. It awoke in me so much i didnt even realize was still there.
I didn think i was even capable of feeling. Now i am more confused than i have ever been in 16 years. I told my husband about some of the conversation…obviously not the worst of it…and the worst part is how calm, understanding and sad and regretful he is for his own part. I feel so lost. Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand how pornography can have detrimental effects on marriage.
Please call us at so we can help you! He even went to see her. When I confronted him he made me out to be the bad guy. We used to share a Facebook but recently separated them. Since then I found him talking to another girl. He took the lock off when I confronted him.
What should I do? I just want his honesty! Your Husband is not married anymore in his fantasies. Get out now and find a real man who knows how to be faithful and make you his queen!
My husband is a serial cheater. I am trying still to this day to get past it all and move on. It is not OK for your husband to have friends on FB that he cheated on you with, right? Or even slept with in the past? He thinks it is no big deal lol.
Please give me any normal insight. No it is not OK for him to continue a FB relationship with someone he cheated on with you during your relationship. Why are you allowing your husband to treat you this way? I am sure you are a good person and you deserve better.
Life is too short. My husband thinks that I am crazy for wanting him to delete certain women from his Facebook. These are women with whom I am not friends in real life not on Facebook. He lived a life of drug abuse for over half his life and has never been married until me. These women are not a part of his daily life other than Facebook. There are a couple that will hit like or love on anything he posts, no matter what. He could post a pile of dog poop and they are going to hit like.
He has a tendency to hit like on individual pictures of them but not pictures that include their family or spouse if they have one. There have been private message conversations as well with a few. Not anything dirty but to a point where I see easily an emotional connection could be established.
He just says I am petty and childish, that hurts. What do I do? He has so many passwords. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and sometimes is just plain stupidity! Hi Pat, I do not have FB anymore…my relationship suffered because of it.
My wife however still has FB and because of the past issues with me and FB we decided to create a mutual one, very plain and simple. However she still retains hers and has her settings at the highest so whenever she changes profile pics I cannot see the likes or comments made by her friends. She says I am not in the place to start viewing because of my jealousy issues. Though she does tell me when men are inappropriate with messages or comments and she would block or delete them. She likes to change up her profile and background pic quite often and most pics of hers are gorgeous.
I trust her but not the other men. Btw her personality is very nice and friendly which I would think some men on her FB take it the way that they could try to pick her up…makes me mad. Jason, I too am very jealous and have trust issues which I feel, no, I know, stems from my cheating.
I have always been pretty jealous which actually started from my ex who I cheated with. When we were younger me in my teens and him in his early twenties it was like a game to him trying to make me jealous. Which I know is stupid. But I feel that being put in a position where an inappropriate opportunity could slither in should be avoided at all costs. Facebook is good at fooling us into not being as accountable as if we were in person.
But I GET it. So in turn, we know ourselves and we are sickened by what we did. But if us, why not them? But our insecurities are from us. My husband had a page and it was private and I kept asking him for a friend request and I asked him why is his page private.
He is so defensive he would never give me a straight answer. He page was private but I could still see who his friends were and there she was his old high school girlfriend and he still lied about her. I left him for awhile and we got back together. One night I wanted some ice cream he went to the store to get it.
His Facebook was up and I went to his messages. By myself with him cheating on Facebook all day! My husband cheated on me and I wanted to try to work things out.
If he runs out to the store for 10 minutes he shuts it down. On Facebook if one of his friends posts a crude photo he always has to make a comment ,as if its a turn on. I just feel like I look like the biggest fool on the planet. I think Facebook especially is a menace. Well, he has lots of ex lovers and many friend him yes it kisses me off because he cheated on me with these people a long time ago … what I hate most is no matter how open and honest he is with his account, it seems Facebook keeps changing the way its messenger works to HELP cheaters hide stuff.
Blaming the technology just gives people a pass for poor behavior. People need to take responsibility for their actions and not blame a tool. She installed snapchat because one of her friends told her it was the new way to go. For months I never suspected its use because i didnt understand that it clears history automatically.
Married for 10 years, together for 13, 2 kids and just by chance I see a message that would have cleared without me knowing. If your spouse uses snapchat a lot and is protective of their phone, things might not be all good any more. How insecure do you have to be to let Facebook ruin your life?
What a ridiculous statement. The Facebook user involved in inappropriate behavior is responsible for a concern, conversation, argument, breakup, divorce. Many people have spouses with a limited moral compass, or someone going through a midlife crisis, for starters.
That is a disaster waiting to happen. The woman does not even know my name, never met me and sure does not know my marriage history.
I started a Facebook page about five years ago. Everything about it seemed to be fine between me and my wife until she stated she wanted to use it.
Thus she would also need the password. I gave her the password but over the past three years or so, her Facebook activity has grown to be so much more than my own. She has added about 50 friends of her own. My activity on this Facebook page has reduced to almost nothing as I have other endeavors.
So she essentially has co-opted my Facebook page. Yesterday, I decided with advice from several friends at work to change the name from Douglas to Linda her name. She should have gotten her own. Tell her to get her own. Close the account and then let Linda do her own thing on her own dime. There seems to be more to this weird ID thing that what it seems. Tell Linda you did not like what was going on. Some married people sometimes forget the whole point of being married, that your first priority is your spouse along with a duty to love, honor, respect, and be loyal.
We all do strange and sometimes destructive stuff. If our spouse complains about our bad behavior, they are not the bad guy. My husband is a wonderful man, but he definitely has some insecurities. I have always been friends with other guys, but whenever I got with my husband I tried to respect his insecurities and I only was around men that I had to be around I.
We both agreed whenever we were first married that facebook was nothing but problems and we would NEVER be a part of it. I asked my husband if I could make a facebook page and use a fake name, he reluctantly agreed and I sent some friend requests to people I worked with and family members.
Not true at all, I just liked the picture because I wanted to show my friend that I was interested in her life. We had a couple of arguments but we always worked through it. My husband was going through his facebook and saw where I liked a picture of this mutual friends and when he questioned me over it, I lied to him. I regret it tremendously and I regret not listening to the love of my life, my soulmate, when he asked me not to do it. I have broken us and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Do you really think all of these issues are solely because of Facebook? Your husband was clearly insecure, and if he is divorcing you over that, he is not much of a man. My husband is always on facebook. And when i got to check is phone he goes to lock it so i cant aee what hes doing. He has a password for messaging his photos literally everything on his phone. Please help me what should i do????
I allow complete access to my online activities. My wife however does not. She guards her phone like fort knox. She has had two extramarital sexual affairs using social media as a means of communication. Each spouse should have each other passwords. This allows openness, transparency, and keeps trust intact. Mostly women disagree because women are constantly being pursued by guys on social media. And it feeds their incessant need to be told how pretty they are. If at all possible, try to avoid women who are into social media.
Plus, it adds no value to the world. If a married man or woman entertains way too much conversation and attention from someone other than their spouse, the married person is the one with the serious emotional imbalance, and possibly with the serious legal problems.
Whether it is on FB, at Happy Hour, on the train, the public library or even church. Some married people with good looks and a charming manner, and plain regular people like myself with a nice smile and disposition know how to keep inappropriate attention of the opposite sex away.
And some for whatever reason, encourage it. I think this is a very useful article, frankly, I have men try to talk to me online. I used social media for good cause not to flirt or seeking new friends. Often, have new people reaching out and tried to talk to me. When I feel the conversation rather lead me to an uncomfortable situation, I often shot it down quick.
Often, many women would try to connect to my spouse, as he often put his photo on his profile etc. He is innocent but I know how it works online. My spouse let me deal with it right away and I have no problem putting them back to their corner politely. I just got tired of seeing how much these women try so hard to approached a man and using mind games. SO anyway, I politely message the person who sent the message to my husband but she then went onto so offensive mode and started to name calling me..
I am of two minds about this. There are legitimate reasons for a level of privacy between spouses. However, my wife had an affair, and then, only two months after it was discovered and we were supposedly working on things, she started an online affair with someone overseas.
Even after multiple confrontations about it, she continues to communicate with him and visits his Facebook page sometimes 15 or 20 times a day! She hides it from me as much as she can, but I am savvy enough to find out at least basics.
My husband just defriended me on Facebook. I feel less important than any of his 40 FB friends from his past, very few friends are in his present. Additionally, he has had to be coaxed to like any of my posts, when all of my posts have involved him and been loving.
He frequently reads aloud funny posts to me from one of the mothers of his children. He defriended me because it got so bad this week I cried about it this morning. He blamed FB aka me,for it and solved the problem by letting it come between us and eliminating me not FB.
I am at my wits end. I bemieve there is litwrally hanxwriting on the wall or post, what have you. People he is not saying read and invade everything they do and when you get married you are as one HELLO. Before FB, when I was pregnant with our oldest now 18 , she stopped him in traffic and attempted to make a lunch date knowing we had been married over 5 years then.
Hubby is the most loyal person, always glass half full — and although that makes for a pleasant situation, it leaves room for him to be blindsided. She the ex friended him a while back…I noticed a pattern in her communication, what she liked, what she commented on, etc. If he posts something about him or the children she will like again almost immediately. Then I asked the BIG question — does she private message you? Yes was the answer…again I brought up the pattern and was told I was paranoid.
So, mid July was our anniversary — he posted some great stuff, memories, etc. I did however forward it to Hubby and we sat down that night together and he saw the pattern…he admitted she was incredibly prompt to respond. I showed him how she has him as friend, following, see first, and get notifications who does that?
Now his response was thanks to both no caps, no name, just one word. His response to most of the others was Thank You Name or a comment. There is a group of high school girls, including her, that are not only FB friends but still live in close proximity, and these girls have always been jealous of our relationship. This situation is causing you a lot of heartache.
Why does your husband refuse to unfriend this person. It shows he puts her first before you. How insensitive of him. What is he getting out of it. I think you need to see a counselor about this. She is intruding in your life and making a miserable situation and she knows it. This need to be fixed! And since they are friends she can PM him any time. My husband will not let me on his Facebook, computer ect.
I went to an event and posted pictures of him to his Facebook showing what he won and there sitting in his friends are girls that no one else knows. I ask him and he just plays, there not my friend.
So I say ok let me delete them. He was 40 and first marriage. I always knew he was set in his ways and immature but come on. I am going to send this URL to my husband. I am so tired. We have so very little, barely a place to live, but he commands the keyboard all day long, hour after hour, day after day, and will not consistently work to forward his self-employment so we can get some where.
He does not pull his weight in our shared business, accept when it comes to brief heavy lifting, that requires so mess time than what I have to give to make this very small go of things, and he does not realize all the very time consuming little things I do all day long give him the opportunity to miss so much work, and be on Facebook, and keep us in poverty.
I would call myself an Enabler, but if I do any less, we will be on the streets, again. This is NOT a threat, this is not a promise, this is just what needs to be done so I can do something for myself.
Blessed Virgin, hear my cry, and have my husband hear me, and hear me in love, and desperation, and not as a shrew, nor in anger, Blessed Virgin, hear my cry for stability, and bless me with the wisdom to know what to do, and what to say. The manner in which you describe your story tells me that you are not only intelligent but also very hardworking.
I want you to really think about your justification for a second. With that said…and this is the tough one…move on…in whichever way you can!
I too, gave many chances but in the end you will become financially, emotionally and mentally drained. All the best to you! To me, a male, the best way to ward off unwanted old flames knocking on the door, is a joined FB account… Seems old fashioned, but it is what it is. If someone is married. That should be respected. Joined Facebook or single Facebook account. My world was turned upside down because of my own lack of judgment.
I am not blaming anyone else for my initial responses. I take the responsibility. My daughter had just moved out to go to school, etc. I am not sure how old fashioned it is to be open for whatever you are open to if someone is married.
You should not go knocking on their door willing offering anything. For me, I was in love with that time in my life. When I was young and selfish… and I slipped right into the slot. My husband and me share all the passwords… I think it is the best way to feel nothing is hidden, nothing is wrong…. Why would we share our Facebook passwords to our husbands and wife, when it is an extension of our privacy.
Sorry if I replied here. Just wanna ask some thing. Yesterday I logged on in face book,and some stranger account popped up. It supposed just mine and hubby account should pop up. Does it mean he invited another woman in our house while I was away and access on our computer? It seems like that. My instinct tell me so that he was cheating on me. Sorry for my English. Its not my language. I percent agree with what you say about FB.
I get so sick of people trying to pass on the responsibility for their actions to a technology, religion, etc. This is ridiculous and controlling. Any therapist will tell you that it is not healthy. My husband does not need access to my account.
Just because someone is married, does not mean they have to give up their privacy. Again, ANY therapist will tell you this. As for being online all thw tome, i am. And I am not cheating. What a ridiculous statement to make. You are fortunate you are in a good and trusting relationship apparently.
But if a trust has already been breached, ANY good therapist would say that sharing login information is a great way to rebuild trust. Dawn is fortunate to have a good and trusting relationship. When the trust has been breached, a very good therapist would say sharing log in information is a way to building trust. How can trust be rebuilt if the cheating spouse refuse to share information.
Mark or anyone else…. I can view her FB profile through our joint one but I cannot see what she posts, the likes or comments from others. After a year or so of signing up for facebook, I noticed my wife spending a great deal of time on the web. Needless to say, we lived in overseas and her claim was that it was her way of keeping in touch. I knew her password and randomly checked. Sure enough, most messages were to friends and family members.
After we moved back to the states, before she found a job, she also spent a great deal of time on facebook, and at the gym. After a while I was a bit concerned, especially after she changed her password and did not share it.
One day after she left to run errands, she had left her facebook account open. Needless to say I found quite a few messages to random males our kids bus driver about how her life was miserable, and apparently so was his marriage. I also found some sexually explicit messages to an old family friend of mine. I confronted her, and we started attending counseling. This was admitted to me just last month, along with my discovery of some naked pictures of herself on her phone which were not meant or sent to me, but used to send to her current infidelity via another social media outlet.
And yes, facebook is the start of the root of all that is evil in my opinion. I agree that Facebook enables marital problems. I am the strongest woman ever. Married for 22 years. Only got on Facebook once in awhile. One day an old flame contacted me through Facebook and flirted with me. So no big deal. But then I found myself drawn to him and he asked me to visit him and I did. It was an affair that nearly cost my marriage and split up my family. My husband knows and forgives me and we are working on our marriage.
I hate Facebook, it can be time consuming place to be. It fills your brain with mostly foolishness and nonsense. I will never go back. I wholeheartedly agree with you and this article. My wife was using Facebook to re-connect with school friends. Never would I imagine that this would be the vehicle for her to cheat on me with old male friends from the past. My story is similar to yours. Nude photos being sent to two different men she knew….
Texts, emails, phone calls, sexting…eventually meeting up in hotel rooms and even trying to get a job where one of them worked. She still denies that she was physical with one of them even though I have proof. I decided to stay and not divorce. She says she is remorseful and sorry.
I do as Reagan said…. I now have access to her Facebook and email accounts. We have tracking devices on our phones her idea…. I think she feels I may cheat on her? I should have known when she put passwords on her cellphone and made sure her maiden name was on her Profile page. And no pictures of me but 1 obscure photo deeply hidden.
A few days ago I decided to send a woman Helenanne K. Well she accepted my friend request and I looked in and saw that those two had a history of liking a lot of stuff on each others posts and that they had exchanges within pages and other forums.
I asked my husband about her, who had contacted who first, etc. So I asked my husband to unfriend and block this woman. He got so angry that I wanted him to block her. I requested that he send her a message as to why he shouldnt be in contact with her and I wanted to read it and watch him send it to her.
He started to draft a message saying that I was uncomfortable with them talking on FB and that he was sorry to unfriend her. I had asked him to do the right thing by saying out of respect for his wife he should not have had contact to begin with and therby disslove the FB friendship and all contact.
He refused to acknowledge my my request and as I watched him typing his bogus message on his cell phone laying the blame at my feet I grabbed his cell and started to delete his message saying he should do the right thing and we ended up in a violent tug of war over his phone. He yanked the phone away from me and screamed at me calling me crazy.
We had the worst fight. After several hours when things cooled down he showed me the message history between them. They had been in contact for over 6 years. Sure enough it was clear to see he reached out to her first.
I asked him why he reached out to an exgirlfriend and he said he had seen her picture on FB sent her a message and was catching up. Well that catching up led to secretive private messaging and emailing. Unbeknownst to him I hacked his email account and found email messages between them. There was nothing sexual in the communications though some of the communications could be considered flirty and emotionally supportive.
I asked him if he had any contact with his exgirlfriend Helenanne through emails and he stated absolutely not. I even recorded him saying he had no email contact that he didnt have her email address and she did not have his.
Anyway he said he blocked her on FB and the following morning I noticed his exgirlfriend blocked me on FB. Presumably she had to go look for my profile in order to block me.
Just to make sure my husband blocked her I accessed his phone and checked on his FB settings. Sure enough she was blocked but he never did send her that message I requested. Needless to say it has damaged my relationship with my husband. He invited this woman into our lives. It is a huge violation and feel disgusted with it all. It was as if she were a voyer or a stalker.
His lack of respect and consideration and his violent reaction to my request to remove his exgirlfriend from his FB contacts makes me distrust him and makes me resent him. It is going to take a long time to work through this and heal. My advice to you is that you deal with your insecurities rather then project your insecurities on your husband.
Facebook is used by millions of people. Wow I just read this and yeah there is a lot of meaning that has transpired. Hey Mike, did you actually read what Di wrote? Check twitter, snapchat, etc. Is this the big problem? Please dont make this an issue. Is there something that he is hiding or what is he up to, and when he is on the Facebook and i approach him he will quickly close and open another thing instead.
I agreed with basically everything about this article except for the last statement. Although this maybe true for most it is not true for all due to insomnia and some major problems, which I happen to be burdened with.
I tend to not fall asleep until between am. I can take a sleeping pill at 8 and not zonk out until 3. On the occasions I do have my phone in hand. I you am playing silly games like name that movie, who sang? My husband and I share passwords for everything. And we are better for it. They would flirt back and forth in public my in-laws and his friends witnessed his behavior, and then called me a jealousy wife.
The flirt should never happen. And all of this be hair is disrespectful and should not be tolerated. Speak privately how you feel and pray for him. Maybe he will see that he is wrong for doing this. Yet he goes on lunches with his coworker who is a single woman of the world.
She works part time and he works fulltime. So every time she works her shifts with him they both go to the coffee shop. They have been doing this for five months straight now. Plus they are texting each other too. He says his wife is ok with it. Somehow I doubt it. Some of us saw the woman in the back area talking to him alone on several occasions far from her department. I must also mention he is quite the charmer.
He verbally flirted with me and other woman also. His wife is on Facebook. Should I send her a private message telling her to watch her husband and check his phone contacts?
This is really getting to some of us at the jobsite. Unless she is a close friend or family member, you should NOT tell her. Why do you care so much about what a co-worker is doing? Perhaps you should focus on yourself, and your work!
And because he does this he is not a Christian? Judge a little more! People from our past should stay exactly there. Facebook and the ability to easily reach out to an ex destroyed my marriage. The forbidden especially when the other person lives out of state and the encounters are weeks and months apart can overtime develop into something you become so desperate for and its all a farce.
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