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As a marriage counsellor working with men and women in relationship crisis , I help clients navigate numerous marriage counselling issues. They feel terrible about it. It tears the heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives. Women leave because their man is not present.

They support their family. But they take their wife for granted. You can get as angry or hurt or indignant as you want. Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. Day by day, moment to moment. You earn her first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel you hearing her. She wants you to feel her. She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel your passion? Can you show her?

Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? Where did it go? If you never discovered it you are living on borrowed time. Does your mind wander? When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual, longer than comfortable. I want to see you deeply.

After all these years I still want to know who you are every day. Touch her with your full attention. Before you lay your hand on her, notice the sensation in your hand. Notice what happens the moment you make contact. What happens in your body? What do you feel? Notice the most subtle sensations and emotions. This is sometimes called mindfulness. How about five minutes? Five minutes each day. Will you commit to that? To be completely open — hearing and seeing without judgement.

Will you do that? Trying to grow, fix, change, understand or save your marriage? I love this and agree wholeheartedly.

I am sorry but this is in contradiction with the entire rest of the article. Not just my passion for her, my passion for being alive? Gaming, sports, working with passion and conviction, for some people this is being alive. I find your article truly heartbreaking, sincere, and with passionate beauty in it the subject of the article I mean. But know that passion is selfish.

It IS by very definition, a very selfish reason to break your man and family. Because your man also needs you. Try enjoying it with her instead of living two separate lives, or just express it and have her there sometimes to support you so that she can feel inclusive to your life hobbies. She should push you and encourage you. For the most part women would only have a problem with your hobbies if your selfish about it. One thing that might help is if the wife tried to show some interest in what her husband enjoys.

She might actually grow to like it more then he does. I think you should look at the quote you placed above once more. The article is talking about passion. Having passion for our lives, our selves, and the people around us.

It is a personal task that we all must do each day. People write books about this all the time. Seminars are held all over the world. Many go to counseling to find this passion.

Gaming, sports, and work can be taken from you. What is it that keeps you going in life? What makes you get up each day? Someone could steal your games. You can hurt yourself and not be able to play the sports you love. You can get laid off from you job and not be able to buy games. These questions also apply to me…all of us. What are we passionate about? When we find out, we will be passionate not only with ourselves, but the people we care about.

It is not a contradiction. I understand what the author is saying, because I resonate with it. Having a passion for life is much different to a hobby. My hubby is a keen surfer. Read a surfing mag? Or talk about surfing? Or watch it online? We all need our vices and space to do our own thing; but when one has a passion for life, the genuinely important stuff becomes a priority and everything else falls away. Sarah, you put that so beautifully. I would love to find a man who can also feel that passion for life, and stay strong with me to keep that going in a very superficial world.

Sarah, you strike me as someone who thinks they have a passion but is just grasping at straws. Look at the things you listed. None of them are actual things you participate with in life. Okay sure you keep breathing air and watching sunrises while your husband travels to find the best surf he can find and lives his life to the fullest.

Hobbies definitely ARE passions. Work can be a passion. Poker can be a passion. Building can be a passion. But so can your children. The animals you take care of at your house or at a shelter you volunteer at can be a passion. The time you volunteered at a soup kitchen and it made you feel passionate. The passion you share with your significant other.

It is truly disturbing to read an article like this and also the comments to see how close minded some people are. Also how selfish they are too. Absolutely, the best comment.. I have it, my husband does not, how do I help him find it? Oh yes Sarah absolutely agree — mine would not miss a beat if I had to die.

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