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Businessman seduce businesswoman on sofa, put hand on leg, sexual harassment, reviewing documents. Sexy kissing stylish couple of lovers close up portrait. Post A Job I need a housekeeper. Post Your Profile I am a housekeeper. Hire Housekeepers in Your Neighborhood Someone out there loves washing dishes as much as you hate watching them pile up.

Hire a one-time or recurring cleaning service today. Find My Housekeeper Are you looking for a housekeeping job? Step 2 Connect With Your Matches Reach out to potential hires through our platform by instant messaging or by phone call. To me Divorced guy advantage. I would rather have a sterile apartment devoid of pictures than to deal with this issues. Also that is also rather an over generalization. I have been with divorced men who have famliy photos up just like anyone else, they simply consist of the man, his extended familiy and kids.

Your right divorced guy doesn't usually frame photos of his former spouse - aggain what is wrong with that? It's one less thing a new love interest would have to deal with. Again advantage divorced guy. Actually the search term that brings way too many searchers to my blog that pertains to widows goes something like "when will a widow by ready to have sex with me" and it degenerates from there.

A lot of the issues that women who date widowers have, imo, stem more from their being unwillingly to simply set boundaries and enforce them than they do from "grief issues". A great guy wouldn't do to you even a 10th of the things I have read about.

But here's why I don't think you'll see a message board dedicated to the guys who date widows, guys don't generally do the doormat thing. Women are socialized to believe that every man they date could be the last guy they date. I only reaffirmed that the second time. Finding my widower husband was just a stroke of really good timing and though I can empathize with some of the angst the women who date widowers have - it's can be intimidating - I never experienced any of the drama.

I do think that when widowed date they should take pains not to inflict grief stuff on prospective partners and probably have a semi-decent handle on their expectations and what they are willing to give in return and be honest about it. Don't use ppl to "get over things" or as place marks - though this can easily apply to anyone, not just widowed. One of the reasons, I think, that this is becoming such a "thing" is that for younger widowed, there really is no handbook when it comes to sex and love in the aftermath.

It's almost as if the world at large equates widowhood with "retirement". But they are not small things and one way or other, they do need addressing. I think Abel gives fairly good advice - from a man's perspective.

I think Julie sometimes errs on the side of women "loving a bit too much" and not simply expecting to be treated decently without the hand-holding game playing.

Embracing Life after Loss" by Patricia N. The book is written by a widow, who has been there herself. The intent of the book is to move you through your grief and into contentment much faster! If I were dating a widower, I would strongly take some of the tips from this book to help him move through the process a lot faster if he hadn't already done so , so that he could move into the relationship with me.

I am a widow with a tattoo memorializing my husband not his name, but definitely done "for" him and in rememberance. I also have a live-in boyfriend. I moved in with him about 9 months ago. We have pictures of my husband up, including wedding pictures.

My boyfriend doesn't expect me to forget that my past ever happened, and to banish all things that would remind me of the man I loved so much. Heck, if I couldn't have any items or photographs that reminded me of my husband, I wouldn't have much of anything. Slowly but surely, some of the pictures are being taken down, as new memories are made. There are more pictures of me and the BF up than of me and the late hubby.

Our wedding rings are at a jeweler so the diamonds can be used in a setting for my next marriage with the wonderful BF. Karen -- don't fret about what an "anonymous" person thinks about your decisions. I am living proof of that. Wendy, Karen, and anonymous I also have no idea what you are supposed to do with ANY tattoo of a past love.

Tattoo removal is, to me, pretty goofy I'm sure I'd think differently if I had any ink! It's a hazard of the medium of tattoo I'm a widow remarried, 42 years old with lots of kids. I got myself a never married man! It has worked great. The reality is that by the time we are in our 40s we do have histories whether we are single, divorced widowed.

And all of that has to brought to the marriage and worked through together: But then that is true for everyone. We all bring expectations etc. It is not simple and it is not easy. But it is good: Sorry I have to Agree with Anon.

A permanent tattoo of any love past or present is short-sighted and its also true Mr. However, if he is for YOU I imagine he will get beyond it. Someone who loves us unconditionally and we them. We don't want to be with a person whose heart and mind is split with another person - living or dead. Of course we all have it and of course we all have past hurts, loves, and marraiges who makes us who we are but does it have to be brought into the fore front of a new relationship or marriage.

Can't it put to the past enough that the new relationship is about the two of you? Of course there will be discussions, some talking about the past, there might be pictures or family ties to the old relationships. This happens even with a divorced person. The theme of divorce bashing by the widowed community truly cracks me. Over and over I have see widowers and widows proclaim what "gems" they are in the dating world compared to the divorced and how terrible and screwed up the divorced are and further how W should be considered the "better deal".

That my friends is the eye of the beholder The divorced the same way. I don't know that those who have lost a spouse somehow feel some comfort or ego boost by proclaiming how much better than they are compared to divorced people. But I do think a lot of divorced and non divorced ppl would be turned off rather than attracted to the widowed superiority complex. Annie, Great, great observations. I agree with you about people having trouble setting boundaries.

To me, most of the advice is just "don't be a doormat," which is good advice, but not particularly related to dating a W. Thanks for helping fill in this picture! Yeah, I agree that the tattoo is problematic, but it would be the same with a tattoo of any former love, wouldn't it?

Death would not make the tattoo more offensive? Yes, relationships are between the living. Yes, widowed people's sense of entitlement can be irritating, and no, not all divorced people are "bad" or anything. But as Annie says, most of the "literature" such as it is about dating after a partner's death assumes your life is over, rather than affirming it. So my ideas, the ones which I steer at my widowed friends, are geared toward reminding them of their vivid, possibly sexy and loving years ahead.

Yes, of course everything is dependent on the individual person But far and away, widowed people's concerns at least the women are about lack of confidence and silly superstitions about not being able to love "two people at once," which of course, is never any actual problem.

Perhaps not the clearest response, but then, your comment was a little rambling too. Supa, Thanks for this post I've often thought that I would never be able to love again because whoever I love would want me to forget my DDH, and I absolutely refuse to forget him, and I absolutely refuse to stop talking about him when it fits into the conversation.

You found a great guy!!! Abel's column makes me sad and depressed, and you ladies give me hope. I've read your comments on Abel's site and you're just as bad as Abel. I truly believe he never loved Krista, the way he talks, or not nearly as much as he loves MG. I also think he is able to forget about Krista so easily because even though she died, technically, she chose to leave him and took the baby with her. And God forbid you disagree with him There are so many times I've literally cried reading his posts Thank you again, Supa.

You made my day!!!!! You along with Karen and Wendy gave me hope again!!!!! Wow, I hadn't checked this thread since I posted my first comment. I love it that anonymous of course people think I'm looking for a "doormat" because I have Jerry's signature on my arm. Or that my past is "baggage" read Widows Wear Stilettos on that word: Carole is pretty fabulously militant about it and has personally barred me from using it, and she is very, very wise or that I must wipe any possible reminder of my husband away in order to keep a man that would otherwise like me from running for the hills and someone without my husband's signature on her arm.

This is just so hilarious. If a guy is so freaked by the fact that I lived a life before I met him and loved someone deeply and choose to remember him in a permanent way, just as he is a permanent and cherished part of who I am - well, all you anonymi, you're welcome to him yourself!

If you can't tell the difference between honoring and cherishing and remembering the past while moving forward and creating a new future, and being stuck and putting the past before the present, then I suppose it would be better for you to be with someone who pretends nothing has ever happened to him or her before the moment you met.

If I ever meet Mr. Next, his having had loving relationships in the past and feeling positive about them will be nothing but a plus. A man who has known love and knows it's something he wants, and something he can give: Oh, one more thing: I can't tell you how it warms my heart for anyone to have found something I've said helpful. I've been accused on my own blog by someone "anonymous," of course of being a whiny, childish, self-centered person for sharing my feelings and my widow's journey in as honest a way as I know how, and while I know whoever that anonymous person was had issues of his own if he needed to write something hurtful on the blog of a stranger, it still feels like an affirmation to know people get it Karen, ignore the trolls!

And hang out with more widowed, I'm sure you'll get a LOT more positive affirmation as an inspiring example, just like this! Anon you did hit the nail on the head.

The widower I dated also had this superiority complex and it affected our relationship. Who wants to be with someone who sees themselves as one up to others? I also agree that people engage in a relationship for it to be reciprocal and that the widowed community really does seem to have an anything goes attitude as far as memorialization and the new partner better be on board with ANYTHING - However,if you are taking steps to engage in a new relationship and certainly if you chose to remarry you responsibility should be primarily to your new spouse not your deceased one.

You took vows stating" forsaking all others" I say this all with a heavy heart. My mother just lost her lifelong partner, my father. They were married for 48 yrs. I doubt she will date or remarry but if she did - while it would be odd for me I never would think she was forgetting my father, but I also feel it would be possible for her to find love a second time around just as strong as with my Dad albeit different because of stage of life etc.

I would not expect her to throw away photos of my Dad or her life with him, but I would totally respect it if she remarried and the new husband didn't want to be faced daily with wedding pictures or couple type pictures of my parents over his own mantle while married to my Mom.

A few photos with other family photos I can understand, but I really dont' understand those who remarry and still have a large couples photos up of their previous spouse. It honestly seems disrepectful to the present spouse. There has to be balance. If you truly love your new partner you wouldn't want to hurt them and would want to celebrate your life with them not memorialize your past life at their expense.

My father is gone. His memory lives on in our hearts, but the heart has a great capacity to love and to love again romantically. While we are engaged with a living person it is our responsbility to be there for them I am happily dating a "gasp" divorced man. He has not a single issue you widowed attribute to the divorced.

He is kind, his heart is undivided, he is romantic, he is strong and has so many amazing qualities. I have never been happier and I hope to spend the rest of my life with this man. HE has no commitment issues either! I think first the widowed community needs to stop pigeonholing people into good vs bad categories - i. Honestly as Anon said superiority complexes are not attractive. You are not better than anyone else because you are widowed rather than divorced - although I feel greatly for your loss.

Because Abel and Annie have chosen to move forward and focus on their present lives and spouses does not mean they didn't love and care for their previous spouses. Such terrible judgments and unkindness against people you don't know. Honestly Abel and Annie are doing what the living should do. The thing is if you don't feel capable of doing that yourself and you refused to stop talking about about your former spouses whenever he fits into the conversation holy moly glad I don't have to be part of that conversation - and honestly who wants to hear someone drone on and on about their deceased spouse ad nauseum or shoe horn them into every conversation that "fits" ; do you seriously expect people to put up with this indefinitely?

I feel for your grief and loss, but my goodness at some point you do have to start living in the present and future rather than focusing on your past marriage and spouse and holding others as a captive audience.

Also there is whole world out there beyond your loss. Most people will be kind for a time and tolerate it but you will drive people away in droves. I do not say this to be unkind. I can totally understand if the loss is fresh or if it is occasionally but you yourself said you refuse to stop talking about him at every opportunity it fits into the conversation..

No matter the audience? No matter if you are boring dear people to tears? Honestly it comes across not so much as a superiority complex but rather as someone who is inherently only interested in what interests Them and the hell with everyone else. My friend, you are not ready to be a partner to anyone at this stage.

Abel and Annie were ready Do not fault them or attack them for that. My wife passed a year and a half ago after a losing a grueling battle to cancer. I don't have tatoo's etc and the idea of a room as a shrine is downright creepy to me.

We never had kids and although I do still look at photo's of us from time to time, once again, as a necessary step in moving on I have taken down wedding photos etc. Bottom line for me is that I wouldn't want to date any woman who has biases against widowers anway, because their bias speaks volumes about their lack of character and egotistical world view. I've been on both sides of the table, so to speak. I married a widower and I never felt threatened by the fact that he needed to move at his own pace.

He and his wife had been together for almost 40 years when she passed, so I did my best to be understanding. He was literally incapable of getting rid of her clothing and many of her belongings. After we married, as time progressed and with his blessing I managed to clean most things out of the house - always keeping a "keepsake" box.

They had no children, so there really was no one to save anything for, but the memory was important to him and non-threatening to me. After celebrating our 11th anniversary, he was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer - he passed away 3 and a half months after diagnosis. I grieved through the summer as I took care of him and am ready to move on. I have donated all of his clothing and anything that the two of them shared, kept a few momentos and am struggling to find a new "normal".

I still wear my wedding band, because it "feels right" and don't know when that will change. It is definitely a journey and a personal one for everyone. I'm a man of which by all indications will be a widower soon.

My wife has that horrible disease called cancer and it's been deemed terminal. It's taking all my energy to help her in her struggle and at the same time I am faced with my marriage of 30 years ending and being alone. Absolutely nobody can know what another feels or will feel when such a loss happens.

I have no idea whether I'll keep pictures, make a shrine, etc. I certainly cannot make judgements on anyone in that stage now. And as for dating, I also have no idea until I arrive at that stage. Every situation is different and there are no formulas to follow that can work for all.

Just as there is nobody who can make judgements for any given situation. I know that a certain piece of my heart will always belong to my wife and maybe there's enough left to share with another, and maybe not. She will never be forgotten nor do I want to attempt to erase her memory. It will be a certain amount of baggage for a possible future partner to deal with and all I can say is I will try to do my best to keep those memories of my wife from affecting any new relationships.

Everyone that reached my age has baggage and some will have it weigh them down, some will not.

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